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I had a couple of drinks this evening, watching basketball on tv with my friends. It wasnt the game that was troubleing me thou, it was what's going on in my mind these last days. The fact that Im a bitt lost, confuzed and dont know what next.
And than, than we started a topic, I dont even know how we got to start talking about this, absolute love.
Uf.
Now this is a topic, that you can talk about with the boys, only when they had a couple of drinks. And sadly, all you will find out is, that everybody starts talking about what they expect to get from others, instead of wether they are capable of loveing somebody absolutely.
That means, that it is realy all about the EGO with the boys, and ussualy about a prince on his white horse with the girls.
So now, I am trying to look at myself, and answer the question, the way i see it.
Absolute love. A love that goes beyond that, what you were shown by the society and hollywood movies. To love someone so strong, that nothing he or she( she in my case) can do, to make you stop loveing them.
Is that possible?
I like to think so, but the bigger question is, am I capable of loveing someone that strong?
I belive I am.
I really do.
Are you?
You see, I spent 8 years with a person, I was willing to die for, beliveing she loves me just as strong. It was the only time in my life, I had the filling, that I can really trust someone. That there is someone beside me, that I can rest my head her shoulder. Someone, who I can feel safe with. And safety is something I never had.
And in the end, I faced the truth.
The truth is, I still wish I will find love, safety, a home someday.
Utopia.
Huston, this is sad motherfucker and over
sobota, 8. september 2007
Drunk, just enough to .....
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I have the horse already and if I am very honest, it's a lot about ego with me as well. Not exactly something I treasure about myself. That being said, I know I am capable and I know I want the ever after. I am just going settling for a numbskull in the meantime.
Men hanging out drinking, watching ball and talking about love? Are you shitting me? I am moving to your neighborhood. Now.
First of all, you are welcome to join me Dyna. I dont drink that often, but when I do, its happy hour at my place too.
And you have to understand, that we are a strange bunch, some artists, some just good by hart, and me at the end,as wierd as can come.
Oh and, dont you know, how sensitive and careing we europian men are, with our foreign accent, our love for flowers and women yadi yadi yadi yadi da.( keep in mind, men from Great Brit. are different and more as if you would be watching Oliver Twist).
Just jokeing. But not about the Brittish. They realy dont have a romantic bone in them.
Settling for. Well, if you have to settle for, than its never the right desizion. Im not saying there's something wrong with the numbskull, perhaps he is capable of loveing more than all of us together(god its hard to think about this, not being drunk), but why settle for second, when you know you deserve the best.
Oh and Dyna, give Stella a sugar for me.
Try to download " Natasha Bedigfield - Soulmate". It does it for me.
Ahhh but there isn't a numbskull in my life. Itwouldn't suit me.
Stella appreciates the sugar, especially after the hangover-induced neglect this weekend. I check out Soulmate, but if it depresses me I hold you responsible.
English men spound like American men.
Ahhh, a women with selfrespect.
If it depresses you, I will sing and dance for you. That should make you laugh.
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