A short one for Jim

Your turn Jim. Hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Hottttttttttt

Tell me, does anyone else get turned on by danger? I do.
Gets my blood flowing, my veins swell, heart starts pumping faster. I smell like pure testosterone! Almost something erotic seems to fill the air.
Adrenaline makes my engine run.

Come, join the joy ride. I feel alive! Do you?

When it was still summer

Found these photos today. It was a good day, in the middle of June. Even I get a hug somethimes.
Now, around this time, many were allready wasted, hahahaha.

Threats

I am being threatened by Jimbo. His words exactly were:"I will get u FISH
i will be back"
Now I am not used to people threatening me, Its usually the other way around. So this is new to me.
How to react?
Should I hide?
Will Jim roll up a joint, and blow smoke from India, where he is located, probably to be able to abuse women and smoke pot all day long!?
Well Jim, do your best, but dont dislocate any part of your body, you hear. Take care now.

Aaauuuuuuuuu

It's full moon. A special time for me. The moon affects me very much, especially when full. It kind of brings out the primal in me. Even more than I usually am.

The beast inside comes out.

The surface hiding the truth.

Miles are getting longer it seems,

the closer I get.......

Elkas

I said I will do this, a couple days ago, and I will try.
I'll start with a man, that I think about a lot lately. He enters my dreams often, in a way reminding me of the past. Making it impossible to forget.
I have not seen him in years, and dont realy know where he could be. Last I heard, he was in Ukrain, working as a bodyguard for some rich ass. I doubt that he is still alive.

Elkas was born in Bosnia, I think in 1970. Just a normal boy from a normal Bosnian family, living a restricted life in the SFRJ. All I know about him before the war, is that he in some point of his life, came to Slovenia, to work.
By this time, he has grown in to a 6'5(198cm), and a 110 kg heavy man. Quite handsome, as far as I can comment that, without being accused of anything.
I think his life was just fine, till the war started.
He left Slovenia in 1993, to join the war in his home land. Half of his family was slaughtered by than, but he only found out about it when he arrived( he found pieces of his sisters in the corn field).
He joined the 5. Korpus, a brigade located around Bužim, near the Croatian/Bosnian border. He was quickly transfered to a small unit, a platoon lead by the man, later called " the Bosnian Arcan", but I'll write about him some other time. This was a platoon, put together for the soul purpose of killing anything alive they should find.
For those of you, who do not know what exactly was going on in Bosnia at that time, I will provide some info. The Bosnians, were defending themselfs from the Serbs on one side, and the Croatians on the other. And at some point even the Bosnians split in to two partys, fighting with eachother. The fights were bloody, and there was a policy of not taking prisoners. Once brothers were now mortal enemys.
Now, what made Elkas great, and this affected me strongly, was what happened one autumn day in 1995.
The platoon was fighting enemy units, somewhere between Bužim and Kladuša. The fights were going on for days, leaving the survivors tired to the point of death.
Elkas was in the first line of fire, and was forced to enter a bunker, where another man from the platoon was allready located, shooting fiercely at the enemy. Each of them occupied a different opening, and they continued to fire.
At that point, the enemy units located the bunker, opening fire at them, using mortars. Before thay could escape the trap, a missile flew in throu the opening, and passed Elkas about 30 cm(1 foot) away from him, hitting the back of the bunker.
Now, a rocket flying, creates enormous heat. And flying so close to Elkas, it burned out half of his abdominum, at the same time preventing bleeding, as the burning sealed the wound. It was like 1/10 of his body was instantly missing.
As the missile hit the bunker, it blew the other mans legs of. He was lain there, no legs, bleeding to death.
Elkas, missing a large part of his body, grabed the man, and carried him almost half a mile back, to where he could get help. As he made it, Elkas fell in to coma, to be awaken almost one year later.
The only reason Elkas survived was, his father bringing enough money to the doctor, so he didnt just cover him with a sheet(as it was custom during this war).

What Elkas did, left a mark on many. Made me think about who we are, and what we can do. He played his part well.
What we do today, echoes in eternity. He will live forever.

Was bound to happen

Fish had a smaller accident with his motorcycle today. Dont worry, the bike's fine.
Oh yeah, he's ok too.

Happy birthday Jurka

It's my sisters birthday. She turns XX today.
I wish you everything sis. I wish you the world. And I love you, more than I have ever told you.

Has to be done

I decided, I will post storys of people I knew, that were realy special. People from the war, people I knew here, people that have affected my life with their greatness. Some dead, some disappeared for other reasons.
Maybe I'll start today.

Changes

Listening to Chris Doughtry, i sit here, and think about what is going on. Its morning, and the sun is rising. I'm confused, not realy used to things like this. I am good at hating people, I had a lot of practise, but not realy big on likeing somebody. Do I know how? So I'm not stone cold after all.
Sold my motorcycle today. The buyer was just here, gave me a down payment, and will pick the bike up sometime next week. Sold it for 7000$.
I'll buy another next year. If I dont move before that.

Its my sisters birthday on monday. What should I get her, when nothing is realy good enough for her in my eyes?! Any ideas?

Is there a place where feeling good dont cost a thing?

fishizem Nr. XXX

I thougt of this one today, talking to some guy, I have just met.

The boss is not the man runing the company, it's the man screwing the secretary.
Fishizem

Call me stupid

Let me first say, I have started this day in such a good mood, as not since a long long looooooong time. If it was raining outside, the sun would be shineing inside of me. I was waked up by an amazing creature, causeing me to forget the time.
Than, things got even better, my sister came to visit, and that happens only a couple times a year.
Sometimes, life is just great, dont you think.
Well, leave it to Aljaž, to ruin everything.
After my sis left, I went to the store on my motorcycle. And of course, I wouldnt have been myself, if I wouldnt have gone chaseing after my sister. No helmet on, short sleeves, jeans, etc.
I caught up with her after a few Km, but wouldnt you know it, exactlly at that moment, the cops came by. Since I didnt want to talk to them, I speeded up( did I ever tell you, I tend to drive a bit too fast), and passed my sisters car at about 200-250 km/h, beetween two cars, which caused a little panic on the road, and scared my sis.
Now, she doesnt want to talk to me, because I am a prick, as she delicatelly put in a short message she sent me on my cell phone.

So, if I ever stop posting, I was either involved in a crash, and was scraped of the road with a showell, or I was stabbed in a street fight, quarreling over something, not even worth mentioning.
Dont be mad at me, I am an ass, and will be born as a cockroach in my next life. I have to go and hit myself on the head now.

Freak show in my head

Have you ever wondered, what people actually think of, when talking to you? Do they give a shit? Do they mean it, when they say something?
I analize everything. Comes in handy somethimes, but is killing me on the otherhand. I learned to be like this, years ago. I had to, otherwise I would have been eaten alive by the society and the world I lived in.
Jp, it must be nice, if you can turn off your brain, send your intuition on a break, and if anything, wonder if your dick is big enough, and whether the waitress has noticed how big your byceps look.

I'm a freak. It's like the Red hot chilli peppers would be having a concert in my head. I never blush, but tend to embarace others all the time. If you see a naked guy on a downhill bike, full of tatoos and a strange smile on his face, rideing of a mountain like the devil is behind him, say hello. I'll say hello back.

Same shit as allways

I had a small fight with a friend of mine today. As much as I hate fighting with my friends, I belive he deserved it. But in the end efect, I feel dissapointed again. We were playing hockey on rollerblades, and I left in the midlle of the match, because otherwise I would have hit him.
Shit, shit, shit, shit. I belong in Sibiria or a rainforest somewhere, far away from the civilisation.

I had a discussion yesterday, with Reg .
We talked about idealism, and I was shocked and most of all impressed. He is a bigger man than I am. I lost faith in people a long time ago. It died with some friends of mine. I hope there are more of your kind Reg. And I hope, I will someday meet you. Take a holliday do, we will talk and drink till we drop.
But still, I fight, I try to be a better person I once was. And than I get dissapointed with the people I live and even feel close to.

And than, I locate the ASSHOLE OF THE YEAR on Keshi's blog. I would love to spend 15 minutes in a closed room with him.
Jim
This is what Jim had to say about a women, that is getting beat up by her husband(he wrote these lines as comments on the theme):
- domestic violence is a khandani matter, you should not interfere
-shit, why did you have to spoil my birthday with this heavy post(we are sorry Jim, that we spoke about this on your birthday, we will never talk about this again. And the woman getting beat up, will go and sit silently in the corner; you sick bastard, you fuckhead, I would love to get my hands on you and that husband. I would show you a new meaning of pain, you shitforbrainsIhopeyousuffer)
And my favorate: Jim saw an older man being hit on by this man's son. The older man later died of HUNGER and starvation. Jim said:" I chose to let things stand. I could not help in the long run."

What can I say. Burn in hell Jim. And if we should ever meet, you will wish, you were in hell allready.
I make a promise here and today. I will never say no to anyone, if he will ask for my help.

I'm sad.

Retagged

My californian princess Dyna, has retagged me, and to honnor her, I will do it. This is for you Dyna. I am to use my nick FISH.

F- Fight. I was born a fighter and have been fighting all my life. I have fought with my fists(and I am very, very good at it), with weapons(I am a sniper, was the best shooter in my batalion), and with my mind, usually for others, and somethimes for myself. And I will keep fighting, hopefully not by myself.

I- Intellect. I have a mind, and IQ, that has got me in and out of trouble, times and times again.

S- Sun. I love sunshine. I love heat. I am aries, born under Mars, god of fire and war. I burn on the inside, and I live my life just like it. I love and hate so strong, the sun can't create so much heat. Hahaha, I am Mars.

H- High. Flying high with my parachute, driveing at high speeds with my motorcycle, raceing where others dont dare, climbing high with my safety off, hiiiiiigh

Tagged

I've been tagged by Karen.

And since she is realy bossy, I'll do as she says.

players- you must list one fact, word or tidbit that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your first or middle name.

when you are tagged you can write your own blog-post containing your name facts etc.

at the end of your blog-post you can choose the amount of people that your name has to tag (i.e.- 6 letters, 6 people to tag). don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they have been tagged and to read your blog.

Whell than, let's try this. My first name is Aljaž, so:

A- Afrika. I have dreams of Africa, for as long as I can remember. I dream of kissing the sand and knowing I'm home. Allmost as if it was calling me.

L- Liberty. I am a free man, that has seen to many wars and prisons from the inside, and therefor charish my freedom and the freedom of my country.

J- Jurka, my sister. My better side. The one good thing that god gave me, and did not take away. I love my sister.

A- Adrenalin. I have done everything possible in my life, to feel more alive. I still search for that kick, but it seems harder and harder to find. I will probably die trying, if I don't find something so dear to me, that it can make me stop.

Z- Zion. A term that most often designates the Land of Izrael, where my ancestors come from. I am an ateist, but still remember where my blood originates.

So, thats it. I hope I did ok, but that is for you to decide.

I tagg:
Dyna
Tamala
Keshi
Miss s
Reg

Totally optional of course!
DO IT!!

Oh and, I have chozen you out of pure affection. And to annoy Reg.

Days of thunder

No realy, its raining outside, one storm after the other today.
So, Fish faces a dilema!
What to do with myself?

I could clean around the house, whipe of some dust, that has been there since my last cleaning action, right before the last time I had sex in this house. And its been a while.
Neeee, I'll wait till the next time a women will be foolish enough to enter my lair, and clean up right before that hapens, sort of forced to do it.
Kidding, its not that bad, the dust I mean. I pay a women to come around and clean 3 times a week. The sex part is true, I get laid far to rarely.

Actually, come to think about it, it has been something more than a year since the-former-Mrs-Fish and I parted, and since than I have been in bed with four women, none of them vaguely good enough to keep arround for a longer period of time.
Im sorry ladies, if any of you should be reading this, I am a pig and the only thing I have to say is oink oink. You simply did not pass the could-she-be-the-mother-of-my-children test.
No realy, fact is, I am a man, and that means I am able to hop in to bed with someone, without having any feelings for her. Hell, I can even hate the woman, but I will still have sex with her, if 2 things are ok- her apperance and offcourse, if she is willing to have me.
For anything more, there has to be that something, that magic in the air. Sadly, I tend to avoid having sex with women, who could have a greater affect on me, out of safety reasones. Not to mention, that there are not many of the kind arround.
Perhaps I should go profesional, combine work with pleasure. Hm, I wonder how that would turn out!

Any prepositions from my two readers? Ha? Say what?

I'm not accusing, I'm just saying

An interesting thought came to mind. Could I have found the guilty party?











Where did Reg Pither spend his holiday this year?











And did he attempt to have a barbecue there?

If guilty, he might have to take the Rate my life quiz again!

Fact

It has to hurt, so you can appreciate it!
Fishizem

?

Do I ride to get my adrenalin level up, or am I realy looking for a way to end this story without having to violently take matters in my own hands?
Do I want to die?
Am I able to start enjoying my life? How am I to do that?
Can I put the past behind me? How do I do that?

smack my bitch up

I spent yesterday evening in the local pub, watching a game on TV. Thank god, atleast the game was good, Russia vs. Litva, because otherwise, I would have hang myself from a bridge with a sign on me:" Leave hanging till stiff for sure".
You see, I am getting tired of spending these Saturday evenings by myself or in the company of my drinking pals , discoussing things with the imaginary creatures, that live in my head. Its not that I wouldnt like them, I just seem to know exactly what they will say, and that makes the conversation as interesting as watching Brad Pitt adopt another poor child, to get some publicity other than a new haircut.
Its been so, for a year now. Since Lidija left.( for those of you, who might have got lost and found their way to my blog, Lidija is my ex-girlfriend, that I've lived with the past 8 years, till she saved herself and took a run for it). At first, it was just the parting and the loss of a loved one, that was geting me down, but then I started geting lost in the past, going throu my life all over and over again. Now I dont seem to know how to stop.

I was never realy normal, I mean, people were never realy fond of spending time with me. They were either afraid of me, or just irritated by my presence. Damn, even the dogs liked me only because I was hiperactive. I was dissliked by my teachers as a child, for allways having a different opinion(whitch was absolutely a NO NO in the Socialistic federative republic of Yugoslavia). I remember bringing a book in school when I was 6, with the Title "A Naci and a hairdresser", by Edgar Hilson, and the school called the Police. Sadlly I was not shot. Coulde save me a lot of trouble. And the children were not my fans either.
So I was taged as a threat to my enviroment, by the time I was 12(you see, I realy did hate the sistem here), and not many parents were eager to have theire children playing with me.
My parents, unfortunatelly were either dead or in my mothers case "brain dead" and apsent, so there was not much help coming from there either.
Forget the fact, that I have seen more dead people till the age of 18, than most people see on TV. It realy couldnt make much more damage in my head anyhow.
You get used to it, being alone most of the time, and when you get old enough, you find out that people suck and have nothing to say anyway.
But, I made the mistake of falling in love and had the bad luck of her falling in love with me. I still dont know how I was ever able to respect someone, who is dumn enough to fall in love with me. And so, I found out, that there is another way of doing it(living that is), and that it is a shit load more fun than how I was doing it before.
Well, in time I fucked up, as expected( I bet my left testical (dont seem to need it) that her father said " I told you so"), and was left without anything but what I had on me, because she took everything else. The freak I am, I even helped her load the truck, and paid for the ride( someone smack me, please).
Thank god, we had no children. She'd had made me crawl for them.

Now, I'm over her, but I just cant get used to the thougth, that I might just as well take my dog in the house, because there is a bigger chance of Reginald Pither getting a barbecue started without burning down half of Grantham, than me finding another women that will even consider spending time with me. Not if she's normal that is.
I even considered going to an AA meating, just to find some companie. I don have an alcohol problem, but if there are interresting people near by, I am most likely to find them among the AA. Where else.

Sleep well

Yesterday, another local motorcycleist died on our roads. Raceing as a way of life. Makes me wonder, when am I due to go? RIP

Quote

"Like computer viruses, successful mind viruses will tend to be hard for their victims to detect. If you are the victim of one, the chances are that you won't know it, and may even vigorously deny it."
Richard Dawkins

I use an antivirus program, called UMBC, or Using My Brain Cells. I dont deny constant attacs and brakeins, but the program has so far helped me to keep my mind working correctly, defragmented and in use 24/7.
I update it every day, stuffing in as much usefull info I can find, but try to avoid certain newspapers and tv shows, out of fear of being influenced by people working for the people creating mind viruses.

I avoid curches, first of all, because I could just bump in to a priest, and than by chance have to listen to his holly stupidity, and secondly, because of fear of holly water, after seing what efect it can have on the evil in Blade I-III.

But my main test is, I go and watch Jerry Springer from time to time. And as long, as I still find it stupid, obcene, repulsive and annoying, I gues I'm fine.

Tomorrow

Its Dynas birthday tomorrow, on saturday, 15. 9.
Since she will be away, drinking silly, i will congratulate her today.
Happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you Dyna,
happy birthday to you.
I think she will just turn 25.
(I apollogize for the annoing voice singing)

Made my day

I came home, mentally and fizikly tired, from the exam, and the ride there and back( drove like a true maniac; Valentino Rossi couldt be faster), took a shower and made myself something to eat.
Just before I would have gone out, to take my dog on his evening walk, I just checked some blogs, while I was eating.
What I found, shocked me so much, I honestly did not know how to react, or what to say.
Thank you Dyna.
I took this picture this morning. Since I cant give you a flower in person, I can atleast give you this one. It is just as unique as you are.

Exams, or stomack acid production

Passed one exam last week, and I have one tomorrow at 15.00 PM.
I'm nervus, tired and kind of pissed at myself, for not haveing studyed as hard as I should have. Every excuse was good enough to get me away from books. Even now, I'm siting here, stareing at my computer instead of working my ass off.
Disapointing. I really am a man. I have an attention span of a dead horse( exept when my hormones call). Jp, a man. No doubt about it.
So, wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.

Meet Mars, my little god of war

They say, that pets and masters look alike. Hehe, well atleast he is cute, but so was I , when I was 5 month old.

My my my

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.2
Mind:	6.7
Body:	9.4
Spirit:	5
Friends/Family:	2.9
Love:	1.5
Finance:	6.4
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Now tell me, does dis look like Im a happy camper.

Drunk, just enough to .....

I had a couple of drinks this evening, watching basketball on tv with my friends. It wasnt the game that was troubleing me thou, it was what's going on in my mind these last days. The fact that Im a bitt lost, confuzed and dont know what next.
And than, than we started a topic, I dont even know how we got to start talking about this, absolute love.
Uf.
Now this is a topic, that you can talk about with the boys, only when they had a couple of drinks. And sadly, all you will find out is, that everybody starts talking about what they expect to get from others, instead of wether they are capable of loveing somebody absolutely.
That means, that it is realy all about the EGO with the boys, and ussualy about a prince on his white horse with the girls.
So now, I am trying to look at myself, and answer the question, the way i see it.
Absolute love. A love that goes beyond that, what you were shown by the society and hollywood movies. To love someone so strong, that nothing he or she( she in my case) can do, to make you stop loveing them.
Is that possible?
I like to think so, but the bigger question is, am I capable of loveing someone that strong?
I belive I am.
I really do.
Are you?
You see, I spent 8 years with a person, I was willing to die for, beliveing she loves me just as strong. It was the only time in my life, I had the filling, that I can really trust someone. That there is someone beside me, that I can rest my head her shoulder. Someone, who I can feel safe with. And safety is something I never had.
And in the end, I faced the truth.
The truth is, I still wish I will find love, safety, a home someday.
Utopia.

Huston, this is sad motherfucker and over

Janko the Barbarian

Now, here's something that makes me smile. Look at this face. You would look just like him, after a few days on holliday, a couple bottles of Vodka and almost no sleep at all(this is Janko, on a beach, on the Croatian coast).

To survive the boring day, I was going throu some of my photos. Not the best quality, but some were shot by cell phone, so...

Two relevant words these days

Fuck off

This wether is killing me. Its been raining for days now, and since my car is damaged, and I somehow dont realy like to ride my motorcycle on wet roads, I'm chained to my house. Grrrrrrrr
I go out to walk my, in two days five month old, german shepard, by the name Mars, and that's about it. I dont even go out for a beer.
I sit at home, listen to music, read, eat, shit and do push ups(not necesseraly in this order). Someone shoot me. Please, Im bored.

Someone who knows how to love you, without being told. Speak out, you are not easy to find

I spent my day at a friends house, helping him build. There were a couple of our mutual friends, helping too.
I'm a few years older than he is, but he allready has two children. A beautiful wife. A home.
Its not like his life is easy, or easier than mine, but it's warmer without a doubt.

Yesterday I was passing my village school, walking my dog, and I found myself staring throu the class windows at the children, wishing one of them would be mine. It hurt.

And its amazing, since I'we known this couple for ages, how they work out theire differences( and they have a lot of differeces), like nothing would ever bother them. I mean, Lidija and I were a thousand times more compatible, and had almost never had serious problems; it was like we were born to find each other; but still, I managed to fuck up.
He somehow doesnt. Maybe its the fact that he, compared to me, is an angel. He seems to never feel the need to break loose, run wild. Run free.
Dont missunderstand me, I never had the feeling, of being locked up, or not haveing enough personal space, but still, And I repeat, I fucked up.

Aljaž seems to fuck up everytime. How is that for a fishizem.

So, now Im alone. And the thought crosses my mind, "what if that was my only chance?".

Over baked

I feel better now, I had my coffein. Tired, but without that killing headache, that was destroying me all day long.
All this shit is slowly bringing me down. One can only take so much.
Its like Im a cake. Over baked. Burning. Somebody put me out.

A thousand lives have made me colder, and I dot think I can look at this the same.

I wonder. How much does it take, so one turns in to a monster? So one goes from talking to himself and slowly creating a second, private and hiden personality, to becomeing a mixture of these personalitys, each ruthless and mean. It's so easy to throw away that little that is human in me.
I still remember the past. I still know what it was like.

Dalje

Glava me boli.
Čez poldne je že, pa še nisem spil kave, kar v kombinaciji s slabim vremenom zunaj in nizkim pritiskom, zelo negativno vpliva na moje počutje. Na ta način se niti slučajno ne morem začeti učit.
Pa bo treba. Eden je za mano, pri tem, da še to ne vem, ali je ta opravljen, čakajo pa me še najmanj trije ta mesec.
Nekaj moram naredit glede avta. Konec je brezbrižnega fijakanja z motorjem. Že same temperature mi tega ne bodo več dopustile. In dež tudi ne.
Vreme uscano. Pol leta mraz in sivina. Pa saj to je kot da bi pisal scenarij za najboljši način kako postati depresiven.
Ljubim sonce. Toploto.
Saj ne morem niti pisat tak. Kavo. Rabim kavo.

International

I'm watching. I'm allways watching.

It seems, it would be appropriatte, to write posts in English from time to time. Just in case someone who doesnt speek Slovene, stumbles over my blog. I'll try.
So for my first entry in English, i'll write about something, that I thought about today.
Sometimes, when you least expect, you will find an Angel. I found one a couple of years ago. Her name is Mateja, and I have to say, I dont know how I would manage without her. She realy is a friend, like described in a book. And she reminded me of what an angel she is, again today.
I dont tell her that I appreaciate her often enough. So now I will post it on my blog, for her and anyone else to see.
Thank you Mateja.
Maybe someday you will need me. And I'll be there.

Well, for the future, I will decide which posts I will translate in english. Prior or future. For those who dont understand Slovene, above is not the translation of below.

No, bil na izpitu. Ne bi raje o občutkih, saj sem se že zdavnaj naučil, da občutki varajo. Poleg tega potem bolj boli, če si razočaran.
Sem pa seveda, ko sem se vračal domov, šel tankat v Dravogradu(prisiljen, saj sem skuril ves tank benzina v Maribor in nazaj; peljal kot pravi psihopat; Mickey in Mallory bi bila ponosna name) na Omv in....koga sem srečal....ne, nisem srečal Lidije....sem pa srečal njenega kvazi brata( ne bi o teh sorodsvenih razmerjih, tam nihče ne ve kdo pije in kdo plača; lahko pa povem da ga mrzim kot garjavega psa, ker je peder totalen) in zraven še fanta njene sestre, Roka. No, saj Rok je fejst fant, ampak ljubše bi mi bilo, če jih nikoli več ne bi videl. Malo smo se pogovarjali, smalltalk, nje nismo omenili niti z besedo. Oba sta me tipala, misleč, da ne opazim prikritega zasliševanja(naj omenim še to, da sta oba policaja), jaz pa sem jima navrgel nekaj pestrih in začinjenih, da se bodo imeli kaj pogovarjat v rezidenci na Mariborski cesti.
Ne morem pomagat, ampak to je zame prav tako, kot bi si odpiral rane.
Boli

Dolg večer

Dolg večer, pred verjetno še daljšo nočjo. Noč dolgih nožev, sicer Kirstov roman o ekipi nemških specialcev, danes pa stavek, ki se mi neprenehoma polaga na jezik.
Zjutraj na izpit. Seveda zopet nisem pripravljen. Vsaj ne tako kot bi moral biti.
Samega sebe več ne razumem.
Brezupno.
Naj gre vse skupaj u kurac!
Z mano vred!

Fi(shit)izem

Dolga noč je bila. Kljub temu, da sem jo preživel v svoji postelji. Nikogar poleg mene, pa vendar nisem bil sam. Ne prenesem več teh duhov preteklosti.
Ne znam jih prepričati, naj me zapustijo. Ne zdržim več tega. Utrgalo se mi bo. Če je to sploh stanje mentalno zdravega.
Not a day passes, that I wouldnt think of blowing my brains out.

Translation:
It was a long night. Despite spending it in my own bed. No one beside me, but still I was not alone. I cant stand these ghosts from the past anymore.
I cant convince them to leave me alone. I cant stand it anymore. I'm slowly loseing my mind. If this is a sane persons mind at all.
Not a day passes, that I wouldnt think of blowing my brains out.

Hlad

I am what you see, I am not what they say. But if I turn out to be, would you love me anyway?
Noro, a ni!?
Tyler Hilton je izjavil to v eni svojih pesmi. Noro kako se lahko včasih najdeš v kakem besedilu. Nekajkrat se mi je to zgodilo, in vedno sem se začel spraševati, kako bi bilo, če bi se lahko ravno v tistem trenutku, ko je avtor spisal to besedilo, pogovarjal z njim. Bi se našla v istem svetu? Ampak le v tistem trenutku.
Maybe someday you'll ask for me by name. But not today. Not today.
Ali pa,
I hope your intuition proceedes my reputation, cause I have one.

Ne vem več, ali me ubija želodčna kislina od včerajšnje vodke in Red bulla, ali od stresa in razmišljanja.
A ni bedno, kako lahko uničuješ samega sebe. Samo človek je sposoben tega. Torej sem vendarle človek