No time to stop

Ever seen Trainspoting?.....that's what my life is like these days......in four days, I've been home to shower.....take the dog out....and somethimes even grab something to eat...
I live and breath the streets...I fell asleep on a bar terrace two days ago(my friends watched over me)....
I guess, it was allways ment to be this way....you do, what you are good at....and I am good at surviving...would I be Spartakus, if I were born more than 2000 years ago....would I rule the Arena...
I leave for Hungary, Budapest in four hours.....I have to be back in 24

Secret

Something.....I wouldnt say....Im drunk as hell.....I hate my life.....

Dance....let me...

Dance with me, in your dreams....while you sleep....and I walk the night....looking for you

Police raid

This morning:
5 AM
Phone rings. Its D. " The cops. What do I do?"
Fish:"Stay quiet. Wait. I'll come get you."

7.30 AM
The cops left. They needed a warrant to brake in.
I wait till they leave, than pick up D.

7.45 AM
We call the police station, and tell them we're coming.

9.00 AM
We enter the police station.(we stoped for coffee on the way there hahahahaha)
2 cops come runing. I calm them down. "No need for panic. If we wanted trouble, you'd have it by now!"
They show us a warrant. Search of personal facilities. Possesion of weapons and illegal drugs.
Just as we are leaving the station, to be taken to D.'s place, the door opens, and "the godfather" enters. He has his wife with him.
D. says"hahahaha, have you come for a coup of coffee too?!"......................... Crazy fucker

All went well. I'm home, and D. is having a beer.

The moment

Today. I walk throu a shoping mall, passing a bar. A waitress is taking empty glasses of a table. She is young, 21, 22 years old. Blond, beautifull.
I instantly decide, step up and hug her. She stands stiff at first, but I can feel her body becoming more and more relaxed. And than I feel her hands around me, she lets her self go.
We stand there, the moment lasting forever. She hides her face under my chin, and I know she is about to cry. I can hear her smelling me, taking my scent in her.
I kiss her on her cheek, and let go of her. I feel her body shivering.
I turn around and start walking away.
I never said a word. All I could hear was, her saying:" Wait....what is your name?...."
I never looked back.....I wanted to say:" You dont want to know!"

D. kills me

The Fantom bar. This morning. The terrace. D., P., F. and I, are sitting at a table. Drinking coffee. Talking like every morning.
D. is saying: " So I take the bitch to my place. We dont talk much, I mean, it's not like she came for coffee. We wouldnt go to my place, if we didnt both know what follows.
We undress. She first. A great body, nice face. Than me. As I take off my boxers, she looks at me, and says,"Jesus, is that all yours?!"."

YEAH RIGHT

D., I told you before. This isn't Amsterdam anymore. Stop screwing women, that cant speak your language. What she meant to say was:" Jesus, is that all?!"

Rain

Dancing Capoeira in the rain today. Rain drops hunting my body, as I was trying to fly . I could feel my muscles turning numb, the cold was making me slow. But I had to try. I had to hear the sound of air, as my legs were drawing circles and I was becomeing weightless.
Have you ever danced infront of mother nature, its tears falling on your half naked body, as she crys with you? That must be what home feels like ...................................

Find yourself

Here is a photo of me, I found on a blog today. It was probably taken by a cell phone. I never even noticed.

Music: (still) Jeremy

Birds of a feather stick together

As I was standing in a bar last night, holding a drink and smoking my ......, I was watching the group of people around me. My friends. We were talking quietly, to avoid other people hearing our conversation. A habit one develops if he lives like we do. We get loud only if we are joking.
And as I was listening, used to everyone staring at me, my eyes touched theirs, staying on each one just so long as thay could stand it. And I saw what I allways see. We belong together. Because we are similar. Because we have a past, we can not deny. Because no one else would stand us.
I have a problem with authority. I am too dominant, to be able to stand the feeling of subordination. I live as I please.
My friends are the same.
We all work for ourselves, whatever each of us does for a living. We could never work for somebody else. We take risks, most people would never take, to be able to live like this. And it can get hard. But it's the only way. Our way, or no way.
It came to me, how the hell did we find eachother in the first place? Was it faith? Or did we just recognize eachother by instinct.

D. allways says, "The day will come, when I'll write a book. A book about the unbelievable shit, that I saw in my life. And it will sell bitch! A bestseller for sure!"
D., do use initials. And you do understand, we want in on the profit!

Music : Pearl Jam-Jeremy

Payback time

Im pissed. If you owe me money, and you're late, better hide. I hate it, when people take me this far. The vain on my forehead, shaped as Y, is pumping crazy. Not good.

Jesus Slaves said it well today: "I'll end the problem, facing nothin, fuck you off, fuck you all!"

Music - It's not over

Are you sure

Did you ever look in somebodys eyes, and see from time to time, that there is a black hole inside? Did you ever wake up, because the person beside you is crying in his sleep? How much can you handle? How much are you willing to handle for someone you love?
Good allways has a bad side. A shadow. People want everything, but they are usually not ready to give something back.
Interesting, in the real world, nobody will step up, and say they like me. In the real world, I open the door to my house everyday, and there is nothing but silence inside. In the real world, everybody turns their head, when I walk by, but no one will touch me.
Im 28. In my life, I have gone from homeless, to quite rich. From a boy to a man by myself. But something tells me, I will walk my path alone.
I often wake up at night, afraid that I am still in the past. But there is no one there. No one to touch, just to make sure I am awake.

I dont sell myself! At all!

Reading some of your blogs, got me thinking.
You see, I live by myself. I was in a relationship, that ended more than a year ago. Now, I'm single. Looking? Not realy. I mean, that isnt the only thing on my mind, if you get what Im saying.
I know, I'm far from being a perfect man. The kind, a woman wants to live with. I'm dominant, agressive(I DONT hit women), excentric, very openminded :), and a bit like an neandertal. But at least, Im honest, I stand to what I say, and I love with heart and soul.
Now, believe me, it's easyer to live with a man, that is domestic, gentle, with soft eyes and a warm hug, when you come home. Not me. I will hug you, but not just because you came home. I have to see, you want me to hug you. I will look at you with such love in my eyes, that your spine will start bending, but there will be fire in my eyes. I will pick up my clothes, but when I feel like it. And ussually the same time I picked up yours, after I ripped them of you and draged you on the kitchen floor.
You want a man, that will ask for your opinion. Ok. But I'll ask you, when I feel I need it. Just like I dont expect you to ask my permission on everything you want to do.

I mean, what do you women want? DO YOU WANT A MAN? Or do you want a fucking metrosexual?
Do you want a dog, or someone, you can allways run to. Someone that will be there when it matters, and not every other time. Someone, that will say what he means, and know what he's talking about. Someone, that wont just say, what you want to hear.
A nice guy, or someone, that will tell you, you are wrong, when you really are.

I want a women, that will make my day, just by looking at me. Someone, I can respect, talk to, make love to, .... But I also want her, to be a woman from time to time. Watch her step up to me, her eyes closed, waiting for my kiss, shaking when she feels my hand on her spine.

I will never be with someone, just so I'm not alone. Can you take me for who I am? Can you handle me? Can you handle the fact, that Im too wild to handle? Do you know what you want?

Dravograd

I see you were here. Twice. Anything to say?

Bushido

Another day. Another fight. Another battle. My way.

How would you like to meet me at night?

"My intuition tells me there will be fun for a killerfish tonight." And his eyes light up. "Is there anyone that would like to try himself out?"

Morning everybody

I'm nostalgic. Lets see if this song(left side- Play me)(for those, with no understanding of Bosnian- Lime trees are blossoming; that would be the title in English; just listen to the instruments, and his voice) and a coffee with a friend can change that. I have a long day and night ahead of me.

Vodka time

Just read something, that has made my heart crawl back inside the rock, where it use to dwell. There is a song you can play on the left side of the blog(the bottom choice is the original). It's playing inside my head right now. I'm getting wasted.

Catch me if you can

Just got home. I'll write more later. Right now, I'm burning with energy, and I'm going for a run. Let's see just how fast my muscles can move hehehe.

Upside down heart

I spent yesterday, with a group of people, that is something extraordinary.
We got together, to celebrate a birthday. But mostly just to see eachother. We rented a house in the hills, where we can be undisturbed.
Now, what makes us unique, is that allthou we go a long way back but live in very different worlds today, we still hug eachother when we come together. We still feel for eachother.
You see, we are all in a way very good at what we do, but our proffesions differ very much. I wont go in to each and every one of us, but its a sortiment that goes from politicians to drug dealers. That dont matter when we're together thou. The past, and the affection for eachother goes beyond the present.
Each time we do this, I feel like I'm home. Like I'm in my living room, with my family. We cook, we eat, drink, talk, laugh like little children, and we hug. It's so special, it allmost makes me cry.
And when we part, I feel so empty. So sad.
We promise, silentlly, to each other, friendship. But we leave. We go back to reality. And a small part of me, goes with them each time.
This is for my friends. Till we meet again.

A free man

Just the way I like it. I'm able to do anything I please till monday. I'll probably take on another job than. But it's a long time till monday, and if I should get lost, well, I guess that will mean the job will just have to wait.
Now, what to do?
I'll start with a morning run, 10 Km. Nothing like a run. Ok, morning sex takes the cake, but we might have a slight problem there. Not at all easy having sex on your own. If you are a man that is.
Than I'll go shoping. What good does money do you, if you dont spend it. I think I'll buy me some shoes today. And boots. I need army boots too.

Than Ill go look at some bikes. Just to make the decision for next year. And to torture myself. I know you cant understand it, but let me help you. It's like being inlove with somebody, somebody that you see and even touch every day, but cant have him or her. You can only imagine. Only fantasise.

And than. Than Fish is getting drunk. Ohhhh yeahhhh. I'm getting wasted. I will have a vodka or ten of them, and than go on drinking beer. Drive around. There is a good side to being me too. You can get wasted, and everyone leaves you alone. They dont even look at you. Well, not directly anyway. And I have fun provoking them. I enjoy the looks on the faces of those shocked and retarded motherfuckers. The sky is the limit. No place is safe tonight, cause the beast is out.
If you hear a roar in the dark later, at midnight, close the doors. I'm outside.
You can buy me a drink thou. All you have to do is step up hahahahahahahahahaha

In the words of my friend, Paddy Boy, "Slaves shall serve, slaves shall serve, slaves shall fuckin serve!!!!!!"

Burned out

I'm dead tired, I hurt all over. My muscles tremble, my blood runs throu me like wild.
Where is someone to give me a massage, and than squeeze close to me, taking me to dream land.

Oh yeah, I sold my bike. Somebody shoot me, a knife wont do it, it has been tryed before.